Hi there Google, its me again…  Wow, you must think I’m psycho or something.  I hope you don’t.  Although, I’m quite sure you think I have issues, based on how many times I’ve adjusted, modified, changed, neurotically rewrote my keyword meta tags on my main pages in a hopeless attempt to get some love from you.  Love’s too strong a word, I think.  Maybe its attention I am seeking?  I don’t know.  Anyway, I assure you I’m only looking to have you recognize me.

If you just gave me a chance, you’d see I am a creative, funny guy.  I can write when I choose to!  I’ve made a list of ways I could have gone about trying to capture your attention as a Poker Blogger, but I am proud to say I’ve not yet gone that route, as I’m trying to be respectful and give you a chance to notice me without insulting your intelligence.  Anyway, here’s my list:

Ways I could have battled for Google’s affection

• Write an e-book called “Online love affair with Google” a.k.a. – “Sex, Lies, and GoogleBots”
• Purchase a site dedicated to my online love affair with google (download my free ebook now!) complete with 30 pages worth of reasons to download my Google memoirs.
• create a keyword metatag instructing #1 ranking (i.e. -meta name=“keywords” content !– rank #1 in-all –!)
• create a “revisit after” meta tag instructing demanding GoogleBot to just straight up “never leave”- details to come in my upcoming e-book entitled “Online Misery” (complete with full 30 page website crammed into one page marketing my Online Misery e-novel)

As you can clearly see, Google, I’ve done nothing of the sort.  All I want is noticed.  Please notice me…  Why won’t you…  notice me?

TLA

drunken poker blogger

Dear Google,

First of all, I’d like to thank you in advance for reading this letter.  I’m sure you’re too busy to read it personally, but I believe (hope) that you have sent your spiders to read this on your behalf.  As you may or may not be aware, my Online Poker Circuit website is looking for a little love from you.  I’ve considered placing a personals ad in an attempt to gain your attention and affection, however – I am a bit too old fashioned to do such a thing.  I just know we’d get along fine if you would just give me a chance.

Perhaps I should take this opportunity to tell you a bit about myself, though I really cannot believe I’m actually writing you a letter.  This is a bit daring, even for me.  Please don’t think I’m desperate, I’m just determined, as I know what I want…  Wow, there I go bouncing off topic again…

Where was I — oh yes…  I am trying to build this website about poker.  And see, I had a site before, and a blog – I almost forgot…  And, back when I used to have these things, it was so simple to get you to notice me.  You made me feel special…  important.  I would write, and just like that, I’d see you acknowledge my existence.  You’d even send visitors to check up on me.  I felt wanted by you.  I felt like we had something, Google.

Now, I feel like you won’t even listen to me.  Why won’t you listen to me Google?  Do you not like me?  I am a good person, I hope you know.  Sure, I do off the wall stuff from time to time – such as stuffing keywords in my menu, or repeating terms that will hopefully capture your attention, but I do such things out of love – I promise.  Besides, are things like that real bad?  Its not like I am doing anything shady, such as putting up doctored photos claiming I have nude photos of Britney’s TaTas, only to have the link redirect to an affiliate link of mine.  I’m not spamming forums or blogs trying to pimp my site in an unethical manner.  I promise I’m neither selling nor trying to purchase text links either.  I know that’s a “no no”…  Then again, you’d know I probably couldn’t sell a text link right now if I tried.

I have come across some other ideas to capture your interest though.  Again, I am too old fashioned to try them.  I’ve considered making a meta tag telling you to assign me a PageRank of 8.  I know you love listening to things on the down-low such as meta tags.  I’m certain that would work, but I want to get your attention the right way.  Before you respond, lets forget about my attempt at Google Bombing a few years back.  I learned my lesson.

Are you still there?  Were you ever here?  I’ll make you a deal…  We don’t have to hold hands or anything, Google.  Hell, we don’t even have to date…  Just give me an occasional acknowledgement.  Let me know I am special…  Make me feel #1 in something (preferably something that converts).  In turn, I’ll promise to improve my content and website fitness.  While I’ll be tempted to do some shady things from time to time…  I promise I will be true.

W/B/S,

desperate poker blogger/webmaster