Open letter to google

Dear Google,

First of all, I’d like to thank you in advance for reading this letter.  I’m sure you’re too busy to read it personally, but I believe (hope) that you have sent your spiders to read this on your behalf.  As you may or may not be aware, my Online Poker Circuit website is looking for a little love from you.  I’ve considered placing a personals ad in an attempt to gain your attention and affection, however – I am a bit too old fashioned to do such a thing.  I just know we’d get along fine if you would just give me a chance.

Perhaps I should take this opportunity to tell you a bit about myself, though I really cannot believe I’m actually writing you a letter.  This is a bit daring, even for me.  Please don’t think I’m desperate, I’m just determined, as I know what I want…  Wow, there I go bouncing off topic again…

Where was I — oh yes…  I am trying to build this website about poker.  And see, I had a site before, and a blog – I almost forgot…  And, back when I used to have these things, it was so simple to get you to notice me.  You made me feel special…  important.  I would write, and just like that, I’d see you acknowledge my existence.  You’d even send visitors to check up on me.  I felt wanted by you.  I felt like we had something, Google.

Now, I feel like you won’t even listen to me.  Why won’t you listen to me Google?  Do you not like me?  I am a good person, I hope you know.  Sure, I do off the wall stuff from time to time – such as stuffing keywords in my menu, or repeating terms that will hopefully capture your attention, but I do such things out of love – I promise.  Besides, are things like that real bad?  Its not like I am doing anything shady, such as putting up doctored photos claiming I have nude photos of Britney’s TaTas, only to have the link redirect to an affiliate link of mine.  I’m not spamming forums or blogs trying to pimp my site in an unethical manner.  I promise I’m neither selling nor trying to purchase text links either.  I know that’s a “no no”…  Then again, you’d know I probably couldn’t sell a text link right now if I tried.

I have come across some other ideas to capture your interest though.  Again, I am too old fashioned to try them.  I’ve considered making a meta tag telling you to assign me a PageRank of 8.  I know you love listening to things on the down-low such as meta tags.  I’m certain that would work, but I want to get your attention the right way.  Before you respond, lets forget about my attempt at Google Bombing a few years back.  I learned my lesson.

Are you still there?  Were you ever here?  I’ll make you a deal…  We don’t have to hold hands or anything, Google.  Hell, we don’t even have to date…  Just give me an occasional acknowledgement.  Let me know I am special…  Make me feel #1 in something (preferably something that converts).  In turn, I’ll promise to improve my content and website fitness.  While I’ll be tempted to do some shady things from time to time…  I promise I will be true.

W/B/S,

desperate poker blogger/webmaster